The truth is that I began this blog last year. I got as far as the name and the cover photo. Anyone that knows me well knows that when I start something, I usually finish - and finish it well.
The fact that the name and the photo is as far as I could get in one whole year probably says more than any blog or facebook post that I could ever write. Perhaps some of the biggest lessons in all of this have been expressed in moments of silence vs words. My own journey in this, my own perspective was dulled - sometimes numbed - just to get my daughter, LewLew (now 16) through every day since it all began.
Today - 402 days since LewLew was hit out of the blue with an undiagnosed virus - I am just beginning to try and wrap my brain around what was before, what was when, what is and what will be since LewLew got sick.
Tonight I was on our way home from seeing a pretty inspiring movie called "Second Act" starring Jennifer Lopez. It may be seen as a silly, "cinderellalike" movie to many. But for me, it just kept shouting the entire time, "Laura....WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!" I have had the longing as a true empath my entire life to just tell my story, a story, someone else's story just to help others understand the journeys we face in life. And somehow now, I find myself lost because my story right now is the story of my beautiful, strong as hell daughter who is trying not to be defined by the fact that she can only eat about two cups of food a day right now. And, that - those two cups - is progress. And as I left the movie feeling inspired and energized to WRITE, to do this blog, knowing that I can help other moms, other parents, other kids and even other doctors, I was hit in the stomach with a text at that very moment from my daughter;
"Mommy, I struggled with dinner - I tried to have chicken and tomato soup and it didn't go well - threw it all up. Tried cereal as well - that was dumb. Now I'm just gonna drink plain tomato soup with nothing in it & hope for success. UGH. Sorry." Lew
Suddenly the nachos I was able to eat with my husband, Scott, at the movie formed an instant knot in my stomach. I fought back tears, took a deep breath and walked through the door to bring a lift to LewLew. As I swallowed tears hiding the 5000 or maybe one million worries running through my brain and strangling the food that I just ate, I sat down, grabbed LewLew's hand and told her that she'll have better luck the next time she tried to eat. Inside, terrified - what if her stomach, what if her duodenum could never heal? And it was at that moment, I knew I had no choice BUT to write. If we could have figured out what was wrong with LewLew earlier, if doctors knew to test her lying down and standing in the beginning of all of this hell, she'd probably be all better now. She would have been able to eat nachos with me at the movie instead of needing to stay home and rest. It was at THIS moment I knew that my angels, my guides, God, or our beautiful dog that we lost suddenly on Christmas Eve - whatever you want to call this - were all screaming at me to "WRITE! Tell it! Speak!" And if for no other purpose than expressing how I am feeling, perhaps I can help someone else in this new journey of mine called blogging. I hope I am able to revisit this before another year goes by. I have so many hopes. #superiormesentericarterysyndrome #lewlewsstory
The fact that the name and the photo is as far as I could get in one whole year probably says more than any blog or facebook post that I could ever write. Perhaps some of the biggest lessons in all of this have been expressed in moments of silence vs words. My own journey in this, my own perspective was dulled - sometimes numbed - just to get my daughter, LewLew (now 16) through every day since it all began.
Today - 402 days since LewLew was hit out of the blue with an undiagnosed virus - I am just beginning to try and wrap my brain around what was before, what was when, what is and what will be since LewLew got sick.
Tonight I was on our way home from seeing a pretty inspiring movie called "Second Act" starring Jennifer Lopez. It may be seen as a silly, "cinderellalike" movie to many. But for me, it just kept shouting the entire time, "Laura....WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!" I have had the longing as a true empath my entire life to just tell my story, a story, someone else's story just to help others understand the journeys we face in life. And somehow now, I find myself lost because my story right now is the story of my beautiful, strong as hell daughter who is trying not to be defined by the fact that she can only eat about two cups of food a day right now. And, that - those two cups - is progress. And as I left the movie feeling inspired and energized to WRITE, to do this blog, knowing that I can help other moms, other parents, other kids and even other doctors, I was hit in the stomach with a text at that very moment from my daughter;
"Mommy, I struggled with dinner - I tried to have chicken and tomato soup and it didn't go well - threw it all up. Tried cereal as well - that was dumb. Now I'm just gonna drink plain tomato soup with nothing in it & hope for success. UGH. Sorry." Lew
Suddenly the nachos I was able to eat with my husband, Scott, at the movie formed an instant knot in my stomach. I fought back tears, took a deep breath and walked through the door to bring a lift to LewLew. As I swallowed tears hiding the 5000 or maybe one million worries running through my brain and strangling the food that I just ate, I sat down, grabbed LewLew's hand and told her that she'll have better luck the next time she tried to eat. Inside, terrified - what if her stomach, what if her duodenum could never heal? And it was at that moment, I knew I had no choice BUT to write. If we could have figured out what was wrong with LewLew earlier, if doctors knew to test her lying down and standing in the beginning of all of this hell, she'd probably be all better now. She would have been able to eat nachos with me at the movie instead of needing to stay home and rest. It was at THIS moment I knew that my angels, my guides, God, or our beautiful dog that we lost suddenly on Christmas Eve - whatever you want to call this - were all screaming at me to "WRITE! Tell it! Speak!" And if for no other purpose than expressing how I am feeling, perhaps I can help someone else in this new journey of mine called blogging. I hope I am able to revisit this before another year goes by. I have so many hopes. #superiormesentericarterysyndrome #lewlewsstory
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